The 4th Line Blog - A Calgary Flames blog
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21 February 2011
Why? Well...
they don't fucking mind that I swear a fucking lot.
they don't think it's weird that I have to find out the answer to every question.
they suffer in Vancouver 364 days of the year and yet still have an awesome attitude.
they come from Florida to watch a team that they once thought spoke french.
they want to meet me to see if my hands can keep up with my head.
they are an incredible depository of stats, numbers and other things I can use to win arguments.
they write on a site that could be mistaken for pornography if you looked at it the wrong way.
they drink quite a bit.
they talk on some random dude's podcast every tuesday.
they escape the clutches of the wifey to come drinking.
they know everyone.
they can descend into frat-boy quite quickly.
they think my OCD is funny.
they think my hopeless romanticism is funny too.
they inspire me to pay $5 for a seat cushion.
they allowed me to not be "that quiet nerd".
they take my calls on the radio even though sometimes I speak way too fast for most laypeople to understand me.
they make me like Joker by way of Photoshop.
they know the "chance flames make playoffs" (sic) is now around 56%.
they have mysterious connections.
they suffer in -20 degree weather to watch an awesome hockey game.
they smuggle Fireball into stadiums.
they like to be called the same name as a candy bar.
they play pool to decide who buys me shots.
they make sure I'm still coherent after said shots.
they treat me like a younger brother.
they only called me George three times.
they give me a bed to crash in and an awesome breakfast.
they absorb information from the TV even when they're unconscious.
they wear helmets skating.
they stop using the dipsy doodles.
they organize a search party for me, even though I'm standing at the bar.
they buy Heritage Classic donuts.
they kinda suck at pool.
they don't call me fat...most of the time.
they allowed me to work up a final tally of 1 Newcastle, 2 Jack and Coke, 6 Cuervo, 3 Patron and 5 other random shots.
they recorded me doing some stupid shit for posterity's sake.
they made sure I didn't lose my tie.
they gave me an assist on American Pie, which was nice because apparently I sounded like a dying cat.
they love my 19 year old naivete.
they know who I am simply by the argyle sweater vest.
they call me PG-13.
they think I'm kinda cool for some reason. Still trying to figure out what that reason is.
they come out to a place far away from home after a big day, while sick, and somehow put up with me for the whole night-even though I was completely wasted, kept asking questions and roped them into singing a duet about pre-wrapped sausages, money, treehouses, green coats and Dijon ketchup. Maybe choosing a song that was 8:13 was payback for all of that.
So, thanks, everyone, for making this weekend so fucking awesome. I'm sure I'll see all of you again at some point.
They were singing,
"Bye-Bye, Miss American Pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin, "this'll be the day that I die."
:)
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01 February 2011
Before the regular season resumes tonight I'd like to log some thoughts on both the first "half" which isn't really a half, as well as the All-Star Game and some other things.
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30 January 2011
Ohhhh buddy- it's All-Star weekend. The one weekend where no meaningful hockey is played, and instead we're subjected to watching players we'd do unmentionable things to have on the Flames. This year, it's compounded by the fact that Jarome Iginla, for whatever reason (officially his grandma, unofficially...rumors I won't repeat), has decided not to play, leaving the Flames as what I'm pretty sure is the only team with nobody representing them at the All-Star game.
Thankfully, the game isn't terrible this year. In a shocking development, the NHL tried something both new and brilliant: having 2 captains drafting the All-Stars on to their teams. In honor of this momentous occasion, Justin and I decided to draft the Flames and Abbotsford Heat onto two different teams, with us as coach/managers. I'm not going to post the full draft, just the highlights, and then we'll talk about our respective teams a little bit, and why my team is better than his.
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27 January 2011
So, it's the All-Star break. The team sucks, they're old, they can't score and they can't defend. Yet, somehow, they are only 2 points back of 7th place. Currently, they are riding a 4 game winning streak, with all of the wins coming against competent, if not good, teams. The bounces seem to be coming our way. 20 or so old fuckers in the dressing room are clawing at the doors of the 8th spot. Sports Club Stats has us at an 18.09% chance of making the playoffs. Now, if I didn't know that all youse guyz are still extremely negative about the team making the playoffs, then I wouldn't be writing this.
Walk with me for a moment, will you?
The team has completely fucked themselves out of a good drafting position. Any hope of drafting elite, NHL-ready talent has gone out the window. Right now, the Flames would be picking (checks NHL.com) around 10th. Quickly! Without looking at a list, name 10 guys in the entry draft this year. Hell, name 5. I bet the majority of you can't do it. Why? Because this draft class sucks. It is brutal, terrible, awful, no-good and rotten. Once you get past THE GREAT BEAST LANDESKOG, Ryan I-have-1993-fucking-letters-in-my-name and Toothless Couturier, there's shit all for Le Equipé Flambes. So, instead of "Tryin for Ryan", "Losing for LANDESKOG" or "Crashing for Couturier", cheer for the old bastards in the room.
NO! IT'S OLLI JOKINEN! NOOO! NOOOOOO! NOOOOO! NOT THIS GUY! NOT THIS GUY! NOOOOOOHMYGOD!!! YOU FUCKIN' ASSHOLE! NOOO! NOOO...
FUCKIN' OLLI JOKINEN, MAN.
SHIT.
Sorry. Fuckin' Olli Jokinen just hit another post. Back to the topic at hand-If Feaster's not a moron (and the debate about that is still ongoing) he's not going to be trading any big pieces soon. Let's stick it out. Hope for the playoffs. DARE TO DREAM! Who knows, maybe Kipper finds that apple core or whatever from the Bible and turns into a god damn diamond and memory foam wall in the net. Maybe Jarome Iginla, who, judging by the CalgaryPuck forums, is apparently hated by everyone now, lights that shit up in game 7. IT COULD HAPPEN.
If they keep winning, you may as well cheer for them, right?
FUN STATS TIME!
Babchuk-14 Points in 34 games. Phaneuf-11 Points in 33 games.
At least he's got leadership.
And Red Bull.
DANCING JUSTIN.
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08 January 2011
(Warning: This one has a few images. Might be a tad slow on older computers.)
The Flames use a hybrid of a 1-2-2 and a 2-1-2 system for attacking the puck in the offensive zone. Personally, I don't think that's the best system for them to use, and I'm going to explain why. Couple of notes before we start-"F1" means the first forward into the zone, "F2" is the second, etc. The arrows designate the movement of the players depending on the position of the puck-for the sake of simplicity, the puck will be in the corner.
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03 January 2011
I’m not going to spend a lot of time on Jay Feaster, mostly because I’m doing that here and here. Instead, I have a Dear John letter for Darryl Sutter.
Dear Darryl,
It’s not working out. Don’t worry though! It’s not you- it’s me. Well, and a little bit you. Maybe even a lot. But you know, these things happen.
Sure, it started great, with lots of regular season sex and wonderful post-season cuddling, even if it didn’t end perfectly. But things went downhill. We tried to live in a world that wasn’t right for us. We were a pre-lockout couple living in a post-lockout world. Deep inside, no matter how passionately I whispered “In Darryl we trust”, I knew that to be a façade waiting to fade like a waning sunset.
I promise, it’s not because of how you treated Craig Conroy when trading him away, or how you bitch-slapped Andrew Ference after he sacrificed so much to be with us when he signed at a hometown discount. I mean, yes, that was domestic abuse and you hurt both us and Andrew, but I still loved you Darryl.
It’s also not because of the long term deals you signed to players at the expense of developing youth. Sure, you acted like prospects are like buses, but another will come along in 15 minutes, but we know the truth.
It wasn’t even the lying Daz. You may have looked me in the eyes and told me you weren’t trading players and then turned right around and traded them, but even that I could live with. No Darryl, it was the inability to change. I didn’t want to change you at first. I liked the big defensemen who took lots of penalties to “get under the skin”. But after a while, you just want someone who can score and score hard. You want someone who can put the biscuit in the basket. And every time someone came along who could do that, you pushed them out of our lives.
Worse, you never saw the problem with that. When the playoffs were missed like so many anniversaries, you acted as though it wasn’t your fault and was somehow mine and every other fan’s for expecting you to do the bare minimum. Oh, and you did it while managing to be incredibly rude and condescending. ]
Darryl, if we were meant to be together, we’d be together, but it’s not meant to be. Goodbye, and believe me when I tell you I will be filing a restraining order.
Arik Knapp
Managing Editor, the 4th Line Blog
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19 December 2010
(Shut it. I've been busy. And stuff)
Slumping Around the League:
You know who's a turrible goalie? I mean, beyond the usual “I play in the KHL/ECHL/for the Tampa Bay Lightning” candidates?
BRIAN FRIGGIN ELLIOTT
Oh yeah, College Douche Rene Bourque came along for the Sunday Slump this week. He's pretty pumped because I'm talking about
BRIAN FRIGGIN ELLIOTT
So at this point, I'm just gonna let him talk about Brian Elliott, current goalie for the Ottawa Senators and former Wisconsin Badger.
YEAH MAN, BRI-BRI AND I WERE BADGERS TOGETHER AND IT WAS LIKE TOTES RAD BRO.
WE'D LIKE, PLAY HOCKEY AND SHIT.
YEAH AND THEN DRIIIIIIIIIIINK. WE DID LIKE SO MANY POWER HOURS OF POINTE BEER IT WAS THE TITS.
BRO...BRO. HE'S LIKE, SO SMART AND STUFF. BUT SOMETIMES, HE JUST, I DUNNO MAN. LETS GOALS IN AND SHIT.
NO MAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG, HE'S LIKE, THE RADDEST. BUT WHEN PEOPLE SHOOT THE PUCK AT HIM, THEY SCORE A LOT. IT TOTALLY BLOWS.
BRIAN FRIGGIN ELLIOTT
Slumping Around the Hockey Blog-O-Sphere
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A couple weeks ago, JT Bourne wrote one of my favorite articles this year, regarding on-ice communication. College Douche Rene Bourque- what say you to that?
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ONLY THINGS ON ICE SHOULD BE BREWSKIS AND CHICKS.
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Great hockey blog Cycle Like the Sedins hasn't updated in months. It's depressing. That's truly a slump.
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This little blurb about missing the post-season from Pension Plan Puppets is starting to hit a little too close to home- largely because we know what's coming.
Slumping Around the Saddlesphere
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Walkinvisible laments the development of Keith Aulie, the worst part of the Fanoof trade.
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I talk about Flames prospects in the WJC over at M&G: John Ramage, Tim Erixon. College Douche Rene Bourque- what do you think about me linking to myself?
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DUDE THAT IS LIKE WAY LAME. WHAT A POSER.
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That's really about it. Flamesnation has largely been routine pre-games/post-games lately.
Slumpy Sayonara
“IT WAS LIKE, HELLA COOL BROSEPHUS. LATES.” College Douche Rene Bourque.
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13 December 2010
A few things that were bouncing around in my head.
-This week, I've had no less then 4 people ask me why I still cheer for the Flames. They say that I'm always critiquing players negatively, giving reasons why there are people out there that would do a better job then the Sutter(s), etc. When I sit down to watch a game, I want the Flames to win. I cheer for the crest, regardless of how much success, or lack thereof, the team has. It's difficult to explain to a person who doesn't follow sports as closely as I do, but there is a reason that we have been fans over multiple years with changing management and personnel-because they are our team and we want them to succeed.
-I think it's funny that people have been all over Iggy for not scoring, and as soon as he does put the puck in the net, it's his teammates fault that the Flames can't win. Case in point: Randy Sportak's column in the Sun yesterday. Either the team does enough collectively to win, or they don't. Some players may be relied on more then others, but it's not the fault of a single person or the result of a single play-it's the whole 60 minutes. Good teams overcome bad players and unfortunate plays. As of right now, the Flames simply aren't a good team.
-To everyone that wants to fire Darryl right now: what exactly is your plan? Go without a GM until one of adequate skill can be found? Obviously, that's ridiculous. Promote Feaster? You mean to tell me that a guy who made minimal moves in Tampa before they won the cup and then proceeded to max out the cap and have a losing team (sound familiar?) will do a better job rebuilding the Flames then Sutter will? Not likely. At least Sutter is a "hockey guy". Feaster's a lawyer. The best solution is to let Darryl do his thing till the end of the year-but the owners can't be afraid to block something if it's clear it will hurt the team.
-Lastly, should the fans boo Dion? I know they will, but I'm not totally sure they have the right idea. Dion was making 6.5mil-but it was a negotiation that led to that cap hit. It’s not Dion's fault he got traded for such a small return. There’s never been anything confirmed that leads me to believe that there was tension in the room, and Dion has stated many times how he and Iggy still have a good relationship. Yeah, so he gave us 60 odd games of shittiness, but the 'Dome doesn't boo Jokinen every time he touches the puck and he's had 102 games of pure awful. Remember the emotion he showed in his interview? In my opinion, he really hasn't done anything to warrant the booing.
Have a good week everyone!
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04 December 2010
(This is a 2500 word article. Go to the bathroom before you start reading.)
Those of you who know me understand I am a huge fan of the Flames. I've said it many times-I'm a lifelong fan whose first article of clothing post-hospital was a Flames onesie. Part of it stems from the involvement my father's had with the Flames organization, being an employee for about 15 years between 1984 and 2003, but the other part of it is my tendency to express extreme loyalty to anything that captures my attention, regardless of that thing's popularity. It's the reason I stuck with the team during the "Young Guns" era, and why, when I was 8, wrote a letter to Harley Hotchkiss asking why the Flames had traded Theo Fleury (I got a letter back, although I can't remember what it said or even where it is now). I didn't miss a game between 1999 and 2003, even though guys like Jukka Hentunen were considered impact players. I remember reading the Blaze magazines during that time and seeing the same letter from Ron Bremmner year after year, with one notable change-the increase of years the Flames had missed the playoffs.
Yeah, it sucked being a fan back then.
